Pre-Wedding Planning

Wedding Roles Among Parents & In-laws: Here's How To Do It

Tanya Puri, 28 Oct 2017

He got down on one knee, popped the question and you said yes! While that may seem like a start to the fairytale, what is definitely tricky in that journey is the role of both the families in the wedding planning and the responsibility that each person would have.

Nowadays, with the costs of weddings on a steep rise and many couples marrying later when they are more likely to have careers of their own, more brides and grooms are contributing to, or even entirely picking up the cost of the wedding. But that still doesn’t lessen the parent’s responsibility- whether it is preparing for the ceremony, participating in it, the reception or beyond, parents have an important role to play at each stage!

So, before you decide to assemble a vendor team for your wedding, the tip is to begin by assembling team Mom and Dad on both sides! Here’s how:

#1 Pre-Wedding Parties

The bride and her family would understandably organise and pay for the bridesmaids' lunch party or an evening soiree. Same goes for the groom’s family. The bride and groom are the only ones who, for the most part, don't pay their way for the bachelor/bachelorette parties and just revel in the attention showered on them!

#2 Ceremony Costs

Have the families sit together and decide the number of guests from each side. While traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for and threw an engagement party for their daughter and her husband-to-be, the functions are now usually split between the two parties depending on whose guest list is heavier to bear. If the groom’s family has 500 guests in mind, while the bride’s side has a mere 150, the families take care of managing and hosting one function- The Engagement and The Wedding.

#3 Rings

This is fairly simple and stress-free as the precedent suggests that the groom procures the bride's engagement ring while the bride acquires the wedding band for the groom. (No guarantee of the stress of that big solitaire on the poor groom, though!)

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#4 Bride & Groom Outfits

Most cultures propose the bride’s family buying the engagement outfit for the groom and vice versa. The key here is for the bride and groom to both take their mother-in-laws and have a fun day of shopping, while casually slipping in the ‘budget-talk’ too. This would make it easier for you to pick outfits without burdening yourself with the guilt of the expenditure!

As for the wedding outfits, it is certainly the responsibility of your parents or your own, unless your sweet grandmother offers to pay for it all! (Are we hinting at something? Maybe!)

#5 Photographer/Videographer

Here comes the toughest one! The parents on either side would definitely have differing views about this one and would, expectedly, turn it into a bit of an argument. The wise thing to do would be, have one party hire a traditional team and the other a candid team of photographers to avoid any clashes! Arrange for a meeting with both teams of photographers and families so there is enough comfort to face them at the functions.

Fun Tip: While the groom and/or his family would generally plan and spend on the honeymoon, how about setting up a place at the engagement/wedding or reception party for guests to give to a "honeymoon fund,” instead of giving those same old shagun ka packets? You may just end up thanking your friends for that dream vacation!!